Sundays

I don’t like Sundays.

I like church. It’s kind of funny. The one thing most people dread about the day I actually don’t mind. I like it for a whole list of reasons but that’s not why I am writing this entry. It is the rest of the day that stinks. 

Sunday. It’s the day you realize the weekend is over and the only thing you have to look forward to is…Monday. Jeez that stinks. When I lived in the Czech Republic Sunday afternoons were the hardest. A weekend of friends and/or travel was over and I returned to my little apartment in my little remote town and I usually just felt like dying a bit inside. Once my week started and I could distract myself with teaching and planning I was fine but Sunday afternoons…gosh…just awful.

Being back at home things have changed a lot but I still dread the week on Sunday afternoons a bit. But other things have changed too. Drastically. Let me explain.

Here was my typical Sunday a couple years ago. Church at 9:15 or 11. I go to a big church. It’s easy to walk in and out without talking to folks. I preferred this. Keeps life simple. I was out by 12:15 at the latest and home by 12:30. Cue nap, then running and then relaxing the rest of the day. Simple, uncomplicated. The way life should be.

Two years ago I started volunteering with my church’s middle school group as a small group leader. About a year ago I started dating one of the other leaders. Let me explain what happened this past Sunday.

Out of bed at 8:15am. I’m running late. I went to the middle school meeting at 9:15am. Over a 100 kids each Sunday and this week I did the main talk. Hooray for responsibility. 11am go to main church service (subject: True Sex. How racy!). Drove to my house at 12:30pm to pick up a cake that I had baked for middle school end of year staff party (I am a man who bakes delicious things from boxes. Deal with it.) Went to party from 1pm-3pm. Went home for precisely 15 minutes. By 4pm was on way to my girlfriend’s sister’s birthday dinner. Ate food till 6:30pm. Then went to see Star Trek at 7:30pm (IMAX 3D!) I was home by 10:30ish.

So yeah my Sundays have changed a little bit. I am not 100% sure how to process all these changes but I will say this: I’m not complaining.

Reflections on student-teaching

I finished student-teaching this past Friday. I got written feedback from all my students, the department head got me pizza for my final lunch and as an extra bonus the incredibly pregnant wife of the teacher I worked with all semester made me cupcakes. It was a pretty awesome day.

With a month of full-time teaching in America under my belt and less than a week away from graduating with my Masters in Education I offer a couple points of reflection that the past few months have taught me.

1) The biggest risk as a teacher is becoming jaded about your students.

I want all my kids to succeed. I want them to believe that with hard work and effort they can do anything. I really want them to believe that they are not stupid. But even in just 14 weeks I found myself at times standing in the middle of the class judging my students. Harshly.

It is shocking how quickly the negative feelings build up. I am a teacher, a highly-educated professional. How can this be happening? I realize that no matter how disengaged and uninterested and unimpressive a student or class may be that does not give me excuse to put them in a box. It is very clear. If I begin to not like my students as a whole, I need to stop teaching. The next point grows out of this point and is equally important.

2) I can never, ever give up on a student.

The senior sat in the front row. He rarely if ever spoke in class. He liked talking to his buddies nearby but that was generally it. He was absent 1-3 times a week. He rarely did work on time and if he was present the day of the test he did poorly. This behavior got worse in the last month. He missed or ignored nearly every major assignment. He was absent the last 3 days I taught. Entering this past Friday his average stood at a 28 for his final term.

The second to last period of my last day he walks in. He had an old homework assignment and had his project which he had put online a few days before. He presented his project and made up a test. We also had a conversation. I learned that he was a Muslim from India. He had come to America when he was 11 speaking no English  He spoke 4 languages fluently but was still considered an “English language learner.” I had happened to teach about Islam just a few days ago but he did not say anything because of the recent Boston Bombings. He was going to go to mosque that afternoon because Friday is the holy day in Islam.

After our conversation he shook my hand and left. A relatively small interaction but it completely and utterly changed my view of him. Instead of a bad, lazy nonentity he was a true individual with his own set of challenges and motivations. Unfortunately I had hardly tapped into anything this student found meaningful until the final day of my last week.

Now to be clear, this event did not change his absence record, it did not improve his quality of work and it did not take back all the times he slept in class. But it vastly improved my insight of who he was as a student who I had the responsibility and privilege to teach.

It does not matter how bad or disengaged a kid is. It does not matter how much they show up. It does not matter if their home life is an utter shambles. That kid can do awesome work, he or she can work hard, that kid can be educated. And I cannot ever give up on trying to make that from happening.

All that is to say I am still very much in my idealistic new teacher phase. Bring on the job interviews because I feel like teaching some students this fall.

Thoughts on Boston…

I have a week vacation from student teaching and I expected to spend this afternoon applying for teaching jobs. With the idea that writing one’s thoughts can be therapeutic for author and reader alike I offer some thoughts about today.

Patriots day is arguably the best weekend of the year to be a resident of Massachusetts. Celebrating the anniversary of the battles of Lexington and Concord and the start of the Revolutionary War, it is a great weekend filled with events, patriotism and fun. It is like a version of July 4th specifically for Boston. Monday is the cap off with a mid-morning Red Sox game and of course the Boston Marathon.

Most people might think of a marathon as fairly unexciting for anyone who is not running in it or knows someone who does. Growing up near Boston though this event is the talk of the town. It is the oldest continuously run marathon in the world. It is televised from start to finish on local TV. Terms like Hopkinton, heartbreak hill, Wellesley, and Boylston St. are well known markers and subjects of conversation. I always watched it when I moved back here in middle school. When I became a runner in high school, I dreamed of running it officially. Many of my high school friends ran it as unqualified “bandits.” My dad had run it a number of times when he was younger. Boston loves its marathon.

To qualify you have to run an entire other marathon in a fairly competitive time based on your age and gender. In 2009 I qualified and successfully ran in the Boston marathon. Friends and family were at various points on the course. My mother and her best friend were in the bleachers at the finish exactly where today, 4 years later, the first explosion ripped through.

My finishing time would have me safely on the way home with my mom at that point but that gives me little comfort for the pain and destruction wrought today. I hate that this happened. I hate that it destroyed such a wonderful celebration of this city and our country.

I ran a road race today in Lexington. I did warm up strides on the green where the “shot heard round the world” occurred. I ate ice cream and relaxed in the beautiful sun off main street afterwards. And then I got in my car, turned on the radio and heard that two explosions had occurred.

I have heard back from as many family and friends as I can figure might have been there and all are safe. Of course some people are not. Tonight we will pray for them, think of them and grieve for them. But no matter how awful today has turned out I still love this weekend and this marathon and all it represents. May we be given peace in these thoughts at least.

A Disconnect

Anyone on Facebook last week surely noticed as profile pictures changed at a rapid rate to the red-tinged logo of the Human Rights Campaign. I was actually confused at first thinking that perhaps this was an anti-gay marriage move simply by virtue of the color motif. In fact it was in support of gay marriage, provoked by the Supreme Court hearing arguments on two cases related to the issue. This phenomenon got me thinking (and reading) about many of the issues surrounding this subject. I find one argument put forth by anti-gay marriage folks to be particularly striking as a teacher and a Christian and this is what I address here.

The argument relates to how the legalization of gay marriage will effect education. Conservative people (mostly Christians with a background similar to my own) are recognizing how the existence of gay people is changing and will continue to change how homosexuality is addressed and considered in the classroom. The clearest word I can use to describe their worries is “indoctrination.” That is, children will suffer indoctrination at ever younger ages about sexuality and its proper role in society. Homosexuality will be (and now is in many places) normalized and along with it, gay marriage.

This concern highlights a massive disconnect that many conservative people and Christians are facing with the rest of society. What they see as indoctrination is seen as fairness and justice to an ever growing majority of society. If Conservatives and Christians do not figure out how to properly process this disconnect quickly I see very little good coming from it.

Homosexuality needs to be taught and accepted in schools not to indoctrinate children but because it exists at the very core of many of the children that in only a few short months I will be professionally responsible to teach. Some students are gay. Some students have same-sex parents. Am I supposed to ignore, separate or disparage their existence in the classroom because other students (or their parents) find them to be morally offensive? It would be unethical, unjust and (for me personally) unconscionable to do so. For good measure it would be unconstitutional and illegal as well.

This ultimately is not a question about the Bible, or sex, or even morality. It is about what is right and just. It pains me to say it but the conservative Christian who cries “indoctrination!” is on the wrong side of this argument. Christian leaders and pastors need to take a step back and seriously consider these issues again before spouting off ever more violently incorrect and hurtful rhetoric.

Some might read this and ask loudly, “But what about OUR children?” All I can say to that is, “Indeed, what about them?”

Student Teaching

A day off for Good Friday allows me to write a bit about my current experience as a student teacher this spring. Some background first. My last step in my Masters program is a full-time field experience working in a teacher’s classroom for almost 4 months. I started with observing my teacher’s classes and slowly started taking over lessons. For the past 3 weeks I have taught 3 of his 5 periods. In a few weeks I will take over all 5 and teach them for the final month. I get officially observed by a professor from my university this time and am filling out a excruciatingly thorough form for the state providing “evidence” that I know what I am doing. Baring any set backs, I am due to graduate with my Masters and teaching license on May 18th. Pretty exciting.

First thought. No matter how much time you spend in a classroom, the first time you teach to a new group of students is nerve-wracking. The first lesson I taught a couple months ago went fine but regardless, 15 minutes in I realized my plan was not as good as I had hoped and I could not stop sweating. In February. Things have gone smoothly since but this reiterates my second point.

Teaching, even when it isn’t hard is never simple or easy. Now I do not want to be that guy who waxes on and on about how hard teachers work and how selfless we are and how big my future pension will be because I deserve it. But I am working. Granted my official “work day” is under 7 hours but as I have taught more I have watched my desk grow in piles of paper and attempted (and failed) organization schemes. How many piles do I need before I reach paper-usage nirvana? In any case here is my point. I don’t have the luxury of posting status updates about how I wish it was Friday already. I cannot zone out for 15 minutes because the lesson plan I created is boring even me. I am in front of skeptical young person who are complicated, diverse, disengaged and distracted. When I stand up in the front of class I have to perform and my performance better have some substance because they will call me out (mentally or otherwise) if I do not. Genuine teaching is the real deal and we should not let politicians or friends or society say otherwise.

Finally, things are going really well. I am pretty busy. I am trying to lesson plan, test create, grade work and get to know kids everyday. The “get to know kids” part is by far the best and being in a classroom everyday is a pretty fun experience. They can be funny and entertaining and sometimes even annoying and petty but bottom-line working with young people is totally worth it. I look forward to having my own classroom hopefully in the fall. Let the ridiculous craziness of this career begin and begin soon.  

South African Days

I have a snow day off from student-teaching today. I have glorious plans to relax and catch up on lesson plans and job applications. In reality I am busting up my twitter feed and getting inspired to write blog entries after checking out Facebook for too long.

So I lived in South Africa for a year. The place I lived is no longer owned by the organization I was with because that organization no longer exists (long story). The place I lived was an incredibly beautiful game reserve turned mission base. Three mountains, hundreds of acres and various South Africa animals including blesbok, zebras, ostriches and wildebeest. The hotel style room I shared with two roommates was literally on the side of the mountain you see in the picture above. Simply gorgeous.

An American pastor I met when I was living there is back for a visit and photos were posted on Facebook of him in front of the very rooms where I lived. Looking at the photos memories came flooding back of how awesome living in such a uniquely beautiful place was. I remember morning runs, the sun just peeking over the horizon far to the East, as I disturbed groups of wildebeest as I ambled along the trails. I remember hikes to remote parts of the property to think, take pictures and simply let the landscape envelop me. I remember running up the mountain above in order to train for a local race, getting to the top, vomiting in front of some friends, than ambling delicately back down.

I am not likely to live in such a spectacular place again. But on a cold snowy day in New England I am thankful to take a moment to look back and remember the memories, the people, and the place where I lived. 

 

The Words We Use.

My blog about Louie Giglio last week was mostly inspired from reading other responses to the situation from a variety of perspectives. Some of what I found was thoughtful, some was depressing. What troubled me most was some of the word choices that conservative evangelicals seems to use in all their entries. The words we use are important. They are how we communicate and connect with others. James talk about how important the tongue is of course and regrettably some evangelicals are using words that are unhelpful, inaccurate, and deeply hurtful. I offer three examples.

Agenda- Many evangelicals love to bemoan the fact of a “Homosexual agenda” that seeks to undermine Christianity. Giglio himself falls into this in his statement declining the invitation when he states, “…it is likely that my participation, and the prayer I would offer, will be dwarfed by those seeking to make their agenda the focal point of the inauguration.” The implication is that the LGBT “agenda” is somehow “less-than.” The reality is LGBT people and advocates view their work as more promoting themselves as opposed to being “against” anything. Some LGBT people are faithful and genuine Christians. Of course where is the most fervent opposition to anything seen as “pro-gay” coming from? You guessed it, Christians. If you want to keep calling LGBT people’s calls for equal rights and recognition an “agenda” you can but evangelicals should at least be honest about the agenda that various conservative evangelicals leaders, groups and churches are leading themselves. Of course lamenting a gay “agenda” leads invariably to calls of…

Persecution- Many blogs are highlighting about how this incident is undeniable persecution of Giglio and his right to free speech in the public square. This is inaccurate on multiple levels. A website found an old sermon of his that they found repugnant and called him out on it. Rather than hold firm, renounce the sermon or defend his beliefs he offered a simple statement and backed out. If he had been arrested maybe persecution would be accurate. The ironic fact of the matter is that Giglio is benefiting immensely more from NOT speaking out than if he did. He is now able to go back to his pastoral duties and his ministry work. As I noted in my last entry, If he had renounced his sermon he would have likely lost all his leadership positions he currently holds. The persecution would come solely from his fellow Christians. Giglio is still allowed to work at and preach about whatever he likes. The fact that more people in the public square vehemently disagree with some of his beliefs is not persecution, it’s America.

Bullying- This is perhaps the most shocking word I have seen used but evangelicals have even used it in the titles of their blogs about Giglio. Just as many liberals know little about evangelical subculture, the use of this word to describe this situation shows how painfully unaware most evangelicals are to the experiences of LGBT people. LGBT young people more often report feeling unsafe in school and skipping school than almost any other group. Suicide rates among LGBT youth are tragically high. In the last few years, an “It gets better” campaign has started online where famous people tell young people that if they can survive school things will be better when they reach adulthood. To compare what Giglio has experienced to the torment many LGBT kids face on a daily basis is not only ludicrous it is unimaginably hurtful to LGBT youth and those who are seeking to make their lives better. Giglio was confronted on his beliefs, he was not bullied. He will continue leading an amazingly blessed life while too many LGBT kids see no alternative to their suffering.

If we want to have a conversation about the religious, political and social implications of the Giglio event, I support that.  I think we can have a serious conversation about the balance between religious liberty and individual freedoms in this country. But as long as the evangelical establishment (my personal faith) continues to demonize, undermine, and ignore the very real concerns of LGBT people and their advocates I see few positives occurring.

Louie Giglio in the news.

I did not imagine that the day after I wrote an entry about Christians, family values and LGBT people that something like this Louie Giglio news event would occur but here we are. This news story is yet another example of what Christians and evangelicals (my faith) will have to deal with in coming months and years and our response is clearly vital not just for the practice of our faith but also our relationship with the greater culture as a whole.

Some background for folks who have not been following: Giglio is a well-known pastor from Georgia. His main focus has been Passion conferences and a movement to end sex trafficking. This anti-slavery work garnered an invitation from the Obama Inaugural committee to offer a prayer at the ceremony. A couple days ago a website publicized a sermon by Giglio from the 1990s that preached negatively about homosexuals. After much outcry, Giglio released a statement respectfully declining the invitation to speak.

Full disclosure: I have watched a few sermon series by Giglio and went to one of his conferences when I lived in South Africa in 2008. I have not kept up with his Passion or anti-slavery movement but by most accounts I find him to be an engaging speaker and a great and thoughtful man of God.

Unsurprisingly the battle-lines have been drawn after this event. Somewhat unexpectedly though they are calling each other out about the same thing: tolerance and inclusiveness. LGBT advocates denounced Giglio as someone who is “anti-gay” and unworthy of the inaugural stage. Evangelicals accused LGBT advocates for promoting tolerance for everyone except them and other conservative religious followers. The question has been raised, is there any space in the public square for the conservative evangelical pastor or leader? Giglio himself expressed the issue concisely in his statement backing out of the invitation saying, “…individuals’ rights of freedom, and the collective right to hold differing views on any subject is a critical balance we, as a people, must recover and preserve.”

As an evangelical christian these are tough issues to think about and navigate. I foresee these issues continuing to come up in the days and years ahead. Here are just a few thoughts on things I think both sides could be thinking about in the days ahead.

Evangelicals need to realize that the standard “Christian” response to homosexuality is largely untenable to large segments of our present society. Most LGBT people have no desire to change, do not believe it is possible and are gravely insulted when Christians tell them that they can. This does not make them “anti-christian” as much as it makes them “pro-themselves.” In a nation that values “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” Christians need to accept that some will find all those things outside of the “evangelical” model. In addition, they need to accept that while they believe they are speaking “truth in love” this truth can be and has been incredibly hurtful, unhelpful, and destructive to people trying to not just live their lives but also find Jesus. Evangelicals also need to accept that the “Biblical” model of sexuality is not their own exclusive domain. There are many churches now that openly accept and affirm LGBT people and their relationships. We can debate and argue about who is right but are we willing to condemn all these other churches even as they preach Jesus as well? “…for whoever is not against us is for us.”

 

On the part of LGBT advocates I am sure it is wildly frustrating and even infuriating to hear over and over again how destructive their lives are from people who do not even know them. Realize that most have no idea how hurtful their words are and are often genuinely trying to simply follow their faith. I have no doubt in my mind that Giglio is not a bigot. He is however, trapped by his set of circumstances. If he were to disavow that sermon from the 90s he would likely have to give up his entire life’s work up to this point. He would lose his pastoral job and with it the leadership of his Passion conferences and leadership of his anti-slavery movement. Please understand I am not comparing his troubles to the myriad injustices LGBT people face simply existing in the world today but simply noting this is a tough issue that will take time. I personally feel it was unhelpful and unwise for Giglio to refer to LGBT people’s desire for acceptance as an “agenda” yet again yesterday. But I also think that labeling him a “bigot” does little to respect the great good he has done in his career or move the conversation forward.

I guess what I am calling for is a dose of humility from both sides. The more entrenched we become the less likely we will be able to meet each other going forward as citizens and Christians.

 

Family Values?

The recent holiday season had me experiencing and thinking about family a lot.  I am finally at a point where I feel I need to speak up about something that I find to be tremendously troubling emanating from large sections of the Christian church. I have concluded that this is a blind spot that is harming our credibility and witness as followers of Jesus. I am talking about conservative Christians support for “family values.”

On the surface “family values” sounds perfectly innocuous. Kids deserve a married mother and father who provide stability, support and love throughout their lifetime. Promoting this standard is in societies and children’s interest. Unfortunately this laudable goal has become a phrase that demeans other family models, ignores their very existence and seeks to deny fellow Americans rights we all share.

It has come to this: when a conservative American Christian promotes “family values” they are directly and openly condemning the existence of LGBT families, regardless of their intention.

It does not have to be like this. Christians can follow their faith without directly infringing on the rights of LGBT families to exist. But we need to fix this blind spot that so many have when they say “family values.” What are some ways forward?

1) Recognize that LGBT families exist. Conservative Christians can promote “family values” all they want, but that is not going to break up happy, loving, committed LGBT families. These families love each other and their children just as much as any other family. There is common ground to be promoted here. Stability between two parents benefits children, regardless of their gender, and can be seen as a decidedly conservative value. We are dealing with real people who need God’s love. The sooner we recognize this fact the better. Wrestling with this recognition will be difficult for many Christians but ignoring this issue is hardly more feasible. I am still trying to figure out what this means for myself as well. I do not have all the answers but recognize that presently we are not loving people the way we should.

2) Recognize that LGBT families are helping. Regardless of how sinful you may think gay people are personally, they are becoming loving parents to children that need them. If every child in America had loving straight parents tonight that would be something worth considering but in reality there are hundreds of thousands of children in this country who are hoping to be adopted. To try and prevent capable gay couples from starting families of their own is not only incredibly hurtful to them but ignores the needs of children all over the country.

3) Recognize that”family” is a complex phenomena. People’s definitions of family are probably as diverse as the number of people on the planet. Are two parents ideal? Probably, but does that mean we should take children away from single parent homes? Of course not. A loving single parent can do exponentially more than two parents who are emotionally neglectful and/or abusive. Sometimes grandparents or other relatives or friends are left to raise the children and they do a tremendous job. The bottom line is that the American nuclear family is one model amongst many. We can promote this model while also supporting and strengthening all the models that actually exist and are benefiting children right now.

I realize I am raising difficult and complex issues with this entry. I also realize I have not reached a final conclusion on any of the things I address above. I really hope this entry is the start of a conversation between Christians and others about what it means to practice our faith today. This probably will not be my last entry on this topic. I hope you will engage and share your stories, thoughts and comments. I welcome them as openly as I can.

Still working on Teaching

This blog is about my journey as a teacher and I really haven’t written about teaching that much. So here is an update and for various reasons it’s written as a hodgepodge of various thoughts and ideas. Lazier to be sure but I think just as entertaining.

1) I’m taking my final class in graduate school! My motivation is flagging and my procrastination is epic but to be honest this class is actually really useful. You know how everybody complains about how hard classroom management is? This class is about classroom management. Apparently many schools of education don’t even have a class on classroom management. Lucky me.

2) I have been subbing more this fall at a local high school. It is generally pretty straightforward and actually boring but from time to time I have a good experience and opportunity to actually teach the kids something. One thought: if you treat teenagers like adults, explaining things to them honestly and in a straightforward manner they will generally respect you even if they do not enjoy the class or the work they are doing.

3) I have been volunteering at my church’s student ministry the last 15 months or so. I really enjoy it. It balances my desire to mentor young people with my other desire not to ever work in a church as paid staff. I’m not sure I have ever committed this thought to writing so I should clarify. I deeply respect those who commit their lives to full-time ministry. They includes many friends and family members. I love my church and while I am more a “hide in the crowd” person I enjoy being more involved. That being said for a number of reasons I feel like my life is better served by working outside the church. This does not mean I will proselytize in the classroom of course but I hope by having feet both in the church and out I can have a greater influence as a person and a leader.

4) I am applying to jobs to become a student teacher for the spring. Once this is complete I will have my degree and my teaching certification and I can look for a full-time teach job for next fall. Hooray for progress!.

So that’s my life at the moment. How is everyone else doing?