Christians often use language that I just don’t get. As a Christian myself this can become bothersome. The two things that generally confuse me the most are “God has called me somewhere!” and “God spoke to me so I know it’s what I need to do!”
It’s hard to express how far from my own personal experience these two phrases go. Since I graduated from college I have been overseas in two different countries for essentially Christian missions work. Was I supposed to go to South Africa? Yes. Should I be in the Czech Republic now? Surely. Did God call or speak to me directly in either case? Not so much.
First let me say I deeply respect those who genuinely feel and believe that God has called them and/or speaks to them. At times I envy their experiences and belief. It just hasn’t happened to me. I often find exceptions that make me wonder. People get all excited to go someplace, “I have my calling!” and then it completely flames out, sometimes really fast. Did God really call this person or was it just misplaced excitement? When I press people on what it was like for God to “speak” to them in the past they eventually say something like “Well, it wasn’t an audible voice, I just knew he had.” Huh? Since when do things speak in a non-audible way? You have to completely redefine the word “speak” to use it in this context. It seems evident to me that many times (but not always) Christians are looking for some divine horoscope that will just tell them exactly what they are supposed to do. A nice idea, but why do we need an astrology couched in religious language when we have the Bible and Prayer?
So why am I talking about this now? It’s time to come to a decision here about whether to stay another year in the Czech Republic or return to the states. I can say definitively that God has not called me or spoke to me about staying or going but yet I feel clear on what I need to decide. How can this be? To sum up, I have clarity.
I’ve looked at both options, I’ve weighed different possibilities, I’ve prayed about things, and it just seems very clear what I need to do. I still have about 10 days to make the decision so I won’t express it here but I feel thankful for the clarity I have and that I feel God has (in some “spiritual, intangible, I’m not really sure how to explain” way) given me. I have an idea of what my destination will be but little idea what the path will look like. I hope I can stay open to any curves God might place in my path. I’m excited to continue walking, growing, and progressing. Not because God has shown me everything that will happen, but because he is here right next to me, experiencing it and helping me as I go.